just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
