My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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