He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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