Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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