meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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