spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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