No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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