How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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