i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
