I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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