hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
