There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
