i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My cat gives me a boner
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
