I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
