I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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