last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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