after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
