Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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