He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
