I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
