we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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