that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
