My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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