Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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