bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
