You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
