phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
