She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She told me I should be a condom model.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
