it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
