I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
