I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
