When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
