girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
