Umm I'm too high to move.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
did you just send me my own nude
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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