Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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