I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The Olympian is in my bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
