I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
