the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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