i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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