i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
