I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize