i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
