I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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