Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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