I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
