i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
