Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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