i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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