Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
