I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize