So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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