DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
