I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
