You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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