I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
