the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
