so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
