Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't make out with my wife yet
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
