I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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