you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
