I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
