i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
foreskin is a definite game changer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
