May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
