Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
