hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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