I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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