Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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