Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
