It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
