this beer tastes like vomit already
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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