when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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