ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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