He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
