I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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