in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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