I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
