just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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