I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
