whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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