My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
