I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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